An Open Letter to Campaigner Email Marketing

RE: Your recent email "Take a second look at Campaigner" on 11/20/08

Dear Campaigner Email Marketing,

Well this a little awkward. I mean we haven't spoken in almost two years and then you pop up out of the blue wanting to get back together. I always knew you couldn't take a hint. And that's why I repeatedly unsubscribed from your mailing list and specifically told customer service representative Jo-Anne Stevens to remove me from all future mailings. Even if you can't take a hint, I thought you'd at least follow the CAN-SPAM laws. After all your business is email.

I want to stress the fact that we REALLY aren't going to be getting back together. Because (this is the awkward part) I'm with someone else now. Her name is Mail Chimp. A friend introduced us and we really hit it off right away. You've probably heard about her and I think I even mentioned her to you once. Things are going well because of the low level of commitment (ie. credits) needed to sustain our relationship. And while I've been able to maintain my immature ways, she's gone and upgraded a couple of times already. What can I say? I'm a lucky guy.

You were also asking if cost was the reason we broke up. Just to be clear, once again: It wasn't cost. It was when you started charging my credit card without talking to me first. It's a little ironic, isn't it? After we broke up you wouldn't stop talking me – even asking me to update my credit card info (which is just tacky, ask anybody).

So even after all we've been through, it's a little sad to see you this way. You beckoning me from the dark alley of my junk mail folder ready to spread your legs at the first opportunity for a cheaper price. Which reminds me, what is the "Pro" in Campaigner Pro short for?

Well, I hope that clears everything up. I'll tell Mail Chimp you said "Hi."

All the very best!

11/21/08

UPDATE 01/05/09: Sue Rutherford at Campaigner politely responds.